Disaffection means that the love has stopped between the both of us and there is something blocking the way of love.
As if you built a concrete wall between two people… The love that was there can no longer be attained…
When disaffection occurs, I can't communicate love to my partner and vice versa, the love life becomes dead & on its turns, creates distancing & quitting on each other & unfortunately it might very much lead to an ugly divorce…
The Earthquake:
Everyday pressure is the tsunami that hits marriages the hardest.
Whenever couples undergo problems at work, problems with the kids, having to work two jobs to pay the bills, shopping for groceries, several hardware adjustment around the house, many repairs to the house itself, doing the laundry, ironing the shirts, making the food, washing the dishes, taking the trash out, taking care of the kids, attending any parent meeting at school, the list goes on and on and on…
Simply, anything that causes stress in the daily life of either partners, which would further contribute to the pressure, adding even more logs to further fuel the fire that is already eating up any affection left in the marital relationship.
We are the microwave generation, we want everything & we need it right this instant, and it has to be to done to perfection.
The Reality & Glimpse of Hope:
Whenever distancing occurs between a couple & neither one of them is willing to fight for the love that existed, life becomes unsustainable between both of them, anger & quarrels will simply skyrockets in the relationship & will ultimately yield to a separation between the couple, if not worse…
Miraculously, if one partner is willing to do whatever it takes to win their spouse, there might be still some hope left in the relationship.
If one of them seeks counseling & changes their own attitude in the relationship, even if his/her actions goes unnoticed in the beginning; certainly, a behavioral change in their spouse’s relationship will emerge over time. Which will create a ripple effect & the other partner will certainly come to their senses and willingly attempt to work things out in the marital relationship.
Ideally, when the other unwilling partner finally confers to preserving this relationship and/or, to at least try to work towards saving it; then, I would suggest for the both of them to seek professional marriage counseling, since both partners are now in the investing stage & are keen on keeping the marriage alive…
The Mistake:
There exist a widely known misconception, where we misinterpret the meaning of a very important form factor as to having a successful marital relationship; and that is: “to have a live, vivid, ongoing communication with your partner all day long, all year long.”
Mistakenly, we presume that if we just see each other for a couple moments during the day, have our conversations while flying across the rooms, talking over breakfast in the kitchen, while doing another gazillion things, such as: looking for your keys, checking the newspaper, searching for your wristwatch, and what's not; falsely, you consider all of this chaos that you have just created, as having spent some quality time with your spouse.
Boy, aren’t you GREATLY mistaken…?
The Solution:
Spending quality time with your spouse, means that you put the entire world to a sudden stop, giving your ultimate & full attention to your partner with all of your senses intact for at least 20 minutes per day, every day; then, you can have some brief moments of chatting or texting, throughout the day with your spouse, in order for the both of you to be in the loop with each other with everything that’s going on among your midst.
In order to create a healthy relationship in a marital life, you need to invest in this marriage, make time for your spouse, they are the only thing you will ever end up winning at the very end.
It doesn't matter if you get paid a $1 trillion per day & yet you remain completely absent from your house all the time, all year long due to some extra work affairs. Whether it be traveling, spending excess hours at work, board meetings, new clients, or whatever the case might be, it is still unacceptable.
Sure, money can be viewed as a gateway or a mean, in order to provide for the family, but by NO means, it is meant to be favored over your family.
Under no given circumstances, shall your job be your #1 priority in life.
The idea resides in the undeniable fact that God Has Entrusted you over your spouse, in order that they become your ultimate priority in your life right after God. They are your responsibility, your duty; they should be your uttermost importance over any other activity in life. Your family should be prioritized even over your service, because managing your house is your #1 service & if you cannot be successful in putting your own household in order, how can you be trusted over The House of God?
We often fall in the error of mistakenly thinking that we are still single, only living just for the sake of ourselves; but friends this shouldn’t be the case. You are no longer living as a single man or a single woman anymore, but you are rather “living” for your family, that God Has so much Placed within your hands.
It’s important to comprehend that you are building men & women in your household, to be either functional in society or not.
Depending on how you choose to spend your time, will definitely define the shape of your current & your future household.
This is a huge responsibility, if ever wasted, no amount of money in the whole wide world could ever possibly compensate for its loss.
In Conclusion:
Think wisely my friend, these are the ways that can actually make a relationship successful & without it, you will witness the pain & agony that is occurring in every failed relationship.
Investing your time in your marital relationship is the ultimate key to your success as a family, on the individual level & will even assess your success in society, whenever you raise healthy young men and women for God & for the nation.
Regardless of how big of a monetary investment you think you might reap at the end, it will all yield to nothing, if you don’t have your family by your side when it’s all collapses & you hit rock bottom.
Choose love, fight for it, because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so do it right.
These are real life lessons learnt over my lifespan, while witnessing the very lives of many individuals across the years…
God Bless you all…
humbly,
Emmanuel Ghali (Mano)
Accredited Christian Counselor, AACC
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